I first learned about the term “microaggression” not in a corporate setting or a workshop on workplace inclusion, but through my personal experience as an adoptive mother of a black child. Early on in our journey as a family, I began to notice the subtle ways that people would question or exoticize our family dynamic. Comments like, “Where is he from?” or “You’re such a wonderful person for adopting!” made us feel uncomfortable by reinforcing difference rather than belonging and acceptance.
As I delved deeper into the work of Dr Amanda Baden, a renowned psychologist and professor specializing in transracial adoption and Angela Tucker ,an internationally recognized speaker on issues of adoption, race, identity and inclusion, I came to understand how these seemingly small comments accumulate over time, leading to feelings of isolation and self-doubt, particularly on transracial adoptees. The constant questioning “Do you know your real parents?” or the well-intended but damaging colorblind statements—”I don’t see color, he’s just your son”, have an impact on identity, self-esteem and the sense of belonging. I saw how these comments, even when coming from well-meaning individuals, could create a cumulative burden for my child.
And then, something clicked.
Through my work as a leadership coach and HR professional, I began to notice striking parallels between the microaggressions faced by my son and those experienced especially by professionals of color, minorities and women in the workplace.
Expressions like “you are so dynamic for a woman” or “you do not look like a sales person” are unfortunately heard in business environment quite often. Throughout my career I connected with individuals that spoke of colleagues who assumed they were less competent, of being constantly interrupted in meetings, of being left out of key decision making circles. I realized that just as my son was being subtly reminded that he was “different,” these professionals were constantly being reminded that they did not quite fit into the dominant mold of leadership.
How to recognize Workplace Microaggressions? Here are some examples:
- Questioning competence: “Are you sure you can handle this project?” despite a strong track record.
- Language-based assumptions: “Your English is so good!” implying surprise at fluency.
- Exclusion from key conversations: Not being invited to informal gatherings where decisions are made.
- Stereotyping roles: Assuming a woman in a meeting is the assistant rather than the executive.
- Downplaying experiences: “I think you’re overreacting,” when someone expresses frustration about bias.
Microaggressions in the workplace and in transracial adoption share a common thread: they question legitimacy and reinforce stereotypes . Whether it’s an adoptee being asked if they wish they had grown up with their “real” family or a black professional being told, “You’re not like the others,” the message is the same—you don’t fully belong.
Understanding microaggressions is not about political correctness or oversensitivity; it is about recognizing the everyday barriers that impact confidence, trust and inclusion. As leaders, we have a responsibility to notice, to listen and to change the culture of our organizations.
How Leaders Can Address Microaggressions:
- Educate yourself and your team: Learn about microaggressions and their impact.
- Acknowledge and address: If you witness a microaggression, address it constructively.
- Encourage open dialogue: Foster an environment where employees feel safe discussing these issues.
- Be mindful of language: Consider how seemingly small comments can affect others.
- Commit to systemic change: Inclusion is not a one-time effort but an ongoing commitment.
Just as I work to ensure my son grows up knowing he is seen, valued and fully belonging in our family and in the world, I encourage leaders to create workplaces where no one feels the need to prove that they belong.
This requires education, open dialogue, and most importantly, a willingness to see beyond intent and acknowledge impact.
Because whether at home or at work, true inclusion begins when we recognize the weight of our words—and choose them with care.
